Chadwick

It took a lot for me to get naked in front of a camera. Hell in front of a guy I met like maybe 4 or 5 times before. Trusting him on his vi son in what he wanted to express with me. See, I love all forms of art. I love to be used for the sake of the newness to something that has been done before. I will get naked with a twist. And with all my years on earth I feel I can just be me in whatever I chose to face. With this shoot (however) I didn't give him what he wanted. Sadly, It was more for me turning a milestone and letting go of my fears of me. I have taken naked pictures before. That was.....well It's nothing like the first time. But I walked away from this shoot feeling disappointed. I had to dig deep inside of me to understand why I did it in the first place. It wasn't to see what I see. But to look at me as you see me. and you expressed you had no shots. It blew me away. Not really knowing what I needed to do, being naked and still trying to keep it all together. I understood why women with a mothers body don't get naked in front of a camera. So that is exactly why I am doing again. Chad is a wonderful artist. His work is bright happy and him. I love that I did it and will be doing it again. After the experience with him I ask alot of questions to myself. And got alot of clear answers. So this time around you have to be naked when you take the pictures. Kidding, I say to Chad press on with your movement and you have my support.

Forty

Well the turning of 40 has been something of a great feat. I truly enjoyed my time in miami just as i thought it would be. I went alone and did only what I wanted to do. One day I was at the beach allll day, toasting me in the middle of the day, and had not one worry. Well maybe what I was going to eat. And I then I think that was the day I ate a slice of pizza and turned in at ten in South beach only to get up early and see the sun show himself on the beautiful ocean, and kiss me with his beauty. That I bathed in later. It was glory. I know that traveling along for most is gasly, when I told folk, they looked sad as if to thing ,it wasn't by choice. But I don't live for them and there thoughts. Thank God I don't. Or I would have slipped in a wave of sadness a long time ago. I am living and being who I have always wanted to be. And some days I wake up and want to be something other of what i was yesterday. And I can. As long as I am not hurting me or the people I love around me. Who says I can't. Who says that at one day I use the whole box of bath bubbles in one bath time. It is okay. I am living my heaven now. No time to wait to feel God. I am God in a little way. So I will reflect the light. I love it that I am comfortable enough with me to know that and I can just be. The wind will blow and that is where you will see me going, in the flow of things. Or not. Love life now.

Why I get up

     I am blessed to have two men I bore.  Raising them has been such a lesson, that has made me view males with a kind eye.  The oldest is Andrew Julian, 21 years. He and I, grew up together. And boy did we have fun. He was more like something that was cool to have, at that time of my life.  Not always proud of all our experiences. But never the less, it was us moving thorough this vapor called life, like a bad Hip Hop video.  For a long time it was he and I. Often over Grammies and Poppy's house, so I could run the streets. But I was so in love with him. He was my Polo Kid that could charm and talk to anybody. No matter the age, type, or other. He just fit in right with how I lived, then.  Things 'changed' when Ali came. My parents where not going down that same road with me.  Ten years of them part time taking care of Drew. Oh no that's when my life became real. And the lessons where a jagged pill I had to swallow. By that time my little sister had a girl, and I had moved back in with them. Yuck. Spoiled.  I had to grow up with no real example on how to do it.

       I named my second child Ali Nile Justice. Serious right!  He and I have a a different story to tell. I was looking at life as if I was one with it. Not looking at my life,  just get over. But really wanting to know the meaning of it all. Loving the fight and understanding that it's not a fight. But just a day to day exchange with me and the universe. Whatever comes out of it, weather it went my way or not, it was for my growth to become a better human. That's why I get up. To look at this life as if it's an apple to bite. And when It's not ripe  I pick up another one and bite that one. Sometimes it's hard to pick up another one. But I always do. I think that's why there so many apple trees.  I don't look at mistakes as I failed. I only know that, that's my way to make a new inroad in my life.  A life in which I love truly. 

       So I have my(a) story to tell. Alot of people see you and only see what they see. Not Understanding what you walked in to make you shy, loud, colorful, stone face, or whatever. So don't judge me just read  great story's of pain, love,  and a whole lot of crazy stuff. So enjoy me.